Conception

For my father. On the occasion of his birthday.

The follow up unveiling of the radiance referred to below.

Will not be seen by you. I would tag you but you are good at not having an easy way to get to you.

And I don’t want to talk to the iceberg you are yoked to. No wonder your heart can’t melt. Under 1/3 of said berg. You gave abandonment And apathetic apathy And tore a hole So large So large In this fragile tender heart Yearning for his fathers love For his father For his fathers father Bestowing a cold cold curse Cutting deep And repeatedly As to shrink all he could be Into a pearl So small That it took 56 years Of excavation To bring it into being And I am that boy Your boy Well not yours.

Something is only yours if you want it. Need it. Love it. Accept it. Join it. Visit it. Or even have the barest understanding of the enfeebling cleave Of not being wanted by his father. But that’s not how a father is So perhaps Today You are just a father I used to know Well father that I used to see Maybe But not be seen So here. Today. See my radiance. And my salvation That is the transformation That blew your fucking heartless iceberg apathetic unknowing We could have known Each other As objects that love each other

out of my emotional calculus

We could have been men who And want their children First child Forgotten child To be happy. But now I am done with you Unleashing my radiance To shine light on my wife, my kids, my mother, my lovers And any others who want to join my hearts plunder And share each of our unique perfect radiances And you can watch from your far off iceberg On a ship In the Atlantic Or your bottle

And are no longer Something I ever have to think of ever again

So the radiance to come that is me is not diminished

ever again.

amen and amen