In The Quiet Moments

My heart longs to be with your heart
To be in the home that we built together
Nuzzled with lazy snoring dogs
In the oasis we made together
But my heart is restless and seeking
And my path takes me to places new, exciting, and sometimes scary
And when I’m caught up in that whirlwind
Making things out of nothing
It is all that I want to do
My heart and my soul consumed by creating
Riches untold await
Slipstreaming into rarefied air
Rubbing shoulders with greatness
While using my shoulders to lift others
I have found love I did not know existed
Whether in his touch or laugh
Or the way he waits for me at the door
Signaling that I am at my limit
And need to recharge and settle my soul
Bringing much needed laughter, touch, and affection
Giving me hope that this isn't a fever dream
And most of the time I am on fire
The center of the party of my life
Yet in the quiet moments away from
Adoration adulation and articulation
Away from the beat, the sound, the words.
I am left with only me
And my thoughts
And they drift to the cost paid for my emergence
A cost so dear that I wonder if any journey is worth it
Asking myself if there could been another path
Could I have kept it all together and still surf those slipstreams
That I desperately want to master
Goodnight to those I love
As I once again cry myself to sleep
And wonder
If you are secure and safe and settled
And then I think, should I write this down?
Making art out of our collective pain
That's what artists do
Or is it something narcissists do?
I hope, in the end, that this will have been worth it
And I fear this will all come crumbling down
The dream of a selfish fool
Crying while the world laughs at my folly
Not out of embarrassment
But because I paid for it with a currency
That I cannot regain
And is more dear to me that I realized