Left Out 1, 2, and 3

I wrote Left Out 1 a few months ago when I was freshly into my journey of poetry and self exploration and actualization.

This is a poem in three parts. I did not intend it to be. Left Out 1 is complete on its own. But I am so not left out anymore.

1, 2, and 3 were written at different times when my mind was in different headspaces. Let me know if you think it works.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Left Out - September 18th 2022

I’ve been left out of the creation the producing the animation

stuck in statis mental masturbation

telling myself that myself

cannot do that

that my mind isn’t wired for that

that i am not built for that

that I am not that

that I am not

i am not

am not

not

here

in this little corner of my mind stuck in the prison of my youth

and pathways blocked

iceberg pocked

in her negativity

and judgment

and loathing

of all that wasn’t in her little fucking

longaberger

basket

box

deeming that which was holy

and in the forefront of my mind's interpretation of my youth

I remember connection cut

by a man not worthy of being my father

and he walked away from

this

this severed child’s heart

NEVER KNOWING

that he thinks of that moment almost every day

longing

aching

craving

craving

craving

craving for the love he wanted

needed

pleaded

never greeted

so deep seated

that he thought 75% was best that he could do

or could be

until that day when he was jolted

from self loathing

from shame and bitter seeds

condescending eyes that cut from a glance

resignation of the heart

thinking that no one would be at his funeral

except those few that had come anywhere close to him

and seen the glimmer of the man he could be

Left Out II - Nov 13 8pm

and I have news for you my friend

I wrote this after this poem's original end

and seen the glimmer of the man he would be

and that man

is me

and I am

radiant

and unique by definition

as are all of us

anyone who is authentic and vulnerable and real is seen as unique

for just being who you are

because again, you are unique by definition

I am not longer left out

I am all in

and it may have taken 56 years

and many many millions tears

And I am spreading out my feels

and encouraging us all to be reals

whether in person or social media-tion

talk to all the people you meet

to the left or right or in a seat

or homeless vagrants on the street

not just ones just dressed all prim and neat

And come right in come right on in

and stop being left out

like I was

Left Out III - Nov 13 11pm

In searching for a picture from my youth I scrolled through the photographic treasures

in my personal cloud

shared with all but still holding what is uniquely mine

In my searching and scrolling I saw the faces of my life

my wife

my children

our dogs

and laughter

and goofyness

as we each let ourselves be silly for each other

all of us younger than today

before the harsh reality of adult human innuendos peccadillos and personal endos

- endo: a prefix from Greek ἔνδον endon meaning "within, inner, absorbing, or containing"

damn the world I was looking for was ecto

- ecto: a prefix from Greek έκτός (ektós) meaning outside

but endo fits better since we all have endo

but only some of us endo-ecto

because with no one listening its endo-ecto-echo

on no

- echo: the persistence of a sound after its source has stopped

and here I thought echo was just me hearing me

when it is persistence

which is all we really want anywho

see me feel me touch me heal me

see me

feeeeel mee-eeee

touch me

heal me

Who can write such amazing lines?

hitting me like a Tommy gun staccato interjections into my emotional eruption

see me

hear me

understand me

feel me

talk to me

share your endo with me

and together we will ecto

our voices together

and stories told will echo

like escher

recursively

no start and no end

non alpha non omega

world with out end

amen and amen

we will endo-ecto-echo-escher

I cant believe I just sort of rhymed with Douglas Hofstadter

which if you understand my reference is meta upon meta upon meta

and in this single moment of time as I write this letta

my life up to this point

pointing back to that point

in my life I last remember being happy

with Lexington Buchanan teaching about

logarithms and abstraction and self referential systems

and Goedel said you cannot describe in total

regardless of how modal you convey the nodal

down whatever road you'll

want to yodel

no matter how quotable

even if you get scrotal

or try to abstract and be bimodal

you cannot describe in total and system using only the symbology and ideas within that system

essentially Goedel is telling us that you have to be meta

and I have found that in the meta is where there is real meaning

metadata is data about data

and while the individual data is important

it is in the categorization and classification and hierarchicalisation

in aggregate

of said data

datums if you will

that is really valuable

because alone we are nothing

but together we are a force to be reckoned with

and that my friend is what brought you here.

If you are reading this either an algorithm brought you here

or a human being shared this with you

And here's the real truth

There is nothing special about me

Or how I write

Or what I say

Because anyone

ANYONE

who sheds all their walls and defensive mechanisms

and puts themselves out on display for all to see

and lives with ZERO secrets

to anyone or anything

Well, that person is truly free

Only in complete exposure of yourself

can you break the endo-ecto-echo-escher

and rise above

in whatever dimension you would like

and see the underlying meaning

and in that way

you have taken the red pill from Morpheus

you have eaten the forbidden fruit

from the tree of knowledge

and what did that apple really mean?

When you bit into it and felt the snap of its crunch

as you tore a bit of red delicious knowledge

and ingested it into your being

it is at this point that you realize that the entirety of the universe

can only be seen through your eyes

because you are unique

by definition

and no matter what you say or speak

you will speak truth

and it will set you free

There is no forked tongue devil talking into your ear

there is no sky god listening to your appeal and your fear

None of the systems and traditions and signs and wonders

that have ever existed

that have EVER existed

that can compete with being authentic and true and real

and vulnerable and compassionate and empathetic

because in that my friends

is where I have found salvation

and it only took me 56 years to realize

that it has been inside me all this time

Spread your truth.

But make it about you.

Not about anyone or anything else.

Just you.

Hopes Dreams Fears Doubts Shame Longing Yearning Greed Jealousy Violence.

Its all you.

And I want to hear about you.

Because I don't want to be left out

of the stories of my brothers and sisters

because none of us is an only child