Updated: Aug 4
Trigger warning - Today I write about suicidal thoughts.
I have the ability to feel emotions that I choose to feel or explore. Especially the darker ones. I can create an emotional space and explore/write/create within it before stepping back out. I use music to help me as well. However, I leave those emotions on the page or in whatever it is I am creating.
I say all this because while I did have the thoughts I write about in this post, the depth of them was something I was playing with and they aren’t all real. Those feelings went away as soon as I finished the poem. Every time I post something dark, I get calls and messages. Which I don’t mind, but I don’t want to alarm anyone!
If you are considering suicide, or are suffering from crisis, and you need another human to talk with, please call 988 now. Or anytime. A real person will talk with you. You are not alone.
The music here is from one of my favorite bands -- VNV Nation which stands for Victory Not Vengeance.
The Thin Line of Hope
Today I thought about being
And not being
And how it is such a fragile line
Always taking a lifetime to cross
Each of us arriving in our own time
So what would it really matter
If I let go?
It’s only cowardice
If you believe there’s hope
Believe that things will get better
That is the real question
Clearly seeing that line in front of me
And imagining my step across
And the relief and peace that exist in nothing
Because the pain will be gone
I chose hope
Not because of conviction
But of necessity
Because crossing that line is final
And just having hope for hope is still hope
Even if you can’t see the way forward
To the place where things will get better ❤️🩹