The Thin Line of Hope

Trigger warning - Today I write about suicidal thoughts.

I have the ability to feel emotions that I choose to feel or explore. Especially the darker ones. I can create an emotional space and explore/write/create within it before stepping back out. I use music to help me as well. However, I leave those emotions on the page or in whatever it is I am creating.

I say all this because while I did have the thoughts I write about in this post, the depth of them was something I was playing with and they aren’t all real. Those feelings went away as soon as I finished the poem. Every time I post something dark, I get calls and messages. Which I don’t mind, but I don’t want to alarm anyone!

If you are considering suicide, or are suffering from crisis, and you need another human to talk with, please call 988 now. Or anytime. A real person will talk with you. You are not alone.

The music here is from one of my favorite bands -- VNV Nation which stands for Victory Not Vengeance.

The Thin Line of Hope

—

Today I thought about being

And not being

And how it is such a fragile line

Always taking a lifetime to cross

Each of us arriving in our own time

So what would it really matter

If I let go?

It’s only cowardice

If you believe there’s hope

Believe that things will get better

Or not

That is the real question

And today

Clearly seeing that line in front of me

And imagining my step across

And the relief and peace that exist in nothing

Because the pain will be gone

I chose hope

Not because of conviction

But of necessity

Because crossing that line is final

And just having hope for hope is still hope

Even if you can’t see the way forward

To the place where things will get better ❤️‍🩹